I had an appointment with my oncologist on Tuesday. She said that everything looked great. This is the first I had seen her since my new gyn told me that he thought I had started menopause. We talked about how sad I was that we were not going to have any new additions to our family. It just seems so surreal sometimes.

It has been 3 years now since I first met her. I had been six months out from the completion of the chemo and radiation and she was telling me that I needed to delay pregnancy 1 more year to do another round of drugs to prevent reoccurence. I have been holding on pretty well lately, but tonight for some reason I am feeling really sad and cheated. I know that I couldn't be luckier than to have a dream sunshine like I do, but I always planned to have a sibling for her. We have been sharing a twin bed for the last few weeks of the remodel and I guess all of this snuggling has brought me back to all her time in bed with us when she was a baby. I don't know how I am going to get her back in her own bed. I am just enjoying her warmth and closeness so much. I guess the fact that when she is awake she is so independent, but when she is asleep she is so clingy. That is so sweet. Sent from my iPhone