i was beginning to have hot flashes again about 3 months ago and thought that i might be starting menopause. i went to see my midwife and a fertility specialist dr. john queenan, that i had gone to see before i started chemo in 2005.

in 2005 we were afraid that the chemo might knock out my ovaries so we wanted to harvest some eggs before i began chemo. there was not enough time to do the harvest before i started chemo because they really wanted me to get started. so they gave me a drug to put me into menopause to protect my ovaries. so when i went to see dr. queenan 2 months ago he told me that i was probably not creating any eggs anymore. i was still holding out some hope. i went to see dr. henry hess who is a gyn that specializes in hormone balance. i met with him to review my blood work today. the good news is that my thyroid, cholesterol, testosterone and adrenal glands are all very normal. estrogen on the other hand. not so much. i had a bone scan before chemo, but he thinks that my bones may be equal to those of a 52 year old. i turned 40 last week so this is concerning.

so we move on. i am going to be starting some new herbs and refocus on yoga, exercise and diet. the good news is that he believes that i can eat more tofu. i had cut back to a few times a week. he thinks i would be fine to eat it every day.

i am trying not to feel really sad about not having another baby. i am so fortunate to be here and healthy and to be home with my wonderful girl and an amazing supportive husband. we have a wonderful life. really, really amazing actually it is going to change from what i thought that it would be, but we will be having different adventures now and continue to be positive and joyful.

enjoy every minute.